I'm not the only one

September is rape awareness month. I was talking with my friend Erica tonight about rape, feminism, and society. We were talking about how 1 of every 6 American women has been the victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime. We were talking about how we live in a rape-culture. Sometimes, as Melissa at Shakesville was told, rape is seen as a "compliment," only bestowed upon women who men want to fuck. I cannot understand how forcing yourself upon someone who does not want to have sex with you is ever a compliment. "That's a nice dress," is a compliment. "That's a nice dress. Let me take it off of you and force my penis into your vagina against your will," is NOT a compliment, ever! Rape is not about complimenting women, it is about asserting control over them. It is about making the victim feel completely weak and powerless.

Rape is also not about love! One of my friends gave me a cd by Ludo with a song called "The Horror of Our Love." The song is about a man raping, murdering, and eating the body of a woman whom he "loves." He sings about how he'll "Hold you down and tear you open," but says "Love I'd never hurt you." Obviously, this example is extreme, but when bands can sing about love involving rape, murder, and cannibalism, we have to realize that some people are making the mistake of equating love with rape and/or violence. My theatre teacher told the class about the scariest interpretation of "love" she had ever seen. She was walking down the street and saw a man beating his wife with a 2X4 and screaming, "Bitch, I love you! Why do you make me do this to you? I love you!" And when we live in a society where people believe that rape and violence are acts of love, we end with the 1 in 6 statistic.

Another thing that rape never is: deserved. No one "deserves" to be raped. No one is "asking for it." I'm reminded of Eve Ensler's "Vagina Monologues"-- particularly "My Short Skirt."

It is not an invitation
a provocation
an indication
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.

I am a feminist who is sexually aware. I table for H*yas for Choice every week and give out condoms. I give out information about birth control. This does not mean that I "want it." It certainly doesn't mean that if I'm walking on campus late at night, you can recognize me as the H*yas for Choice girl and expect me to have sex with you. Some people think, and may even say of a victim, "Hey, that girl is promiscuous, so she must have been asking for it," or "Hey, that girl has had sex before, so she can't be raped."

A judge in Georgia actually required a girl who was date-raped to provide a list of all of the people she had been sexually active with, and ruled that she had not been raped, "in part because, as all that testimony showed, she was not a virgin." Sexual history does not make a girl "deserve it" or "want it." There's something called consent, and if there isn't consent-- it is rape! The clothes a girl wears, birth control she takes, or sex that she has had in the past, do not constitute consent. If she's drunk, drugged, or passed out, that is not consent. And if she says yes, then later says no, consent has ended. Continuing to have sex with a girl after she says "no" or "stop" is rape.

Rape and sexual assault are far too prevalent in our society, largely because people fail to realize that rape is not a compliment or act of love, and that no one "wants" or "deserves" to be sexually assaulted. I have friends and family members who have been raped and/or sexually assaulted. With statistics like 1 in 6, the odds are that you know someone who has been raped or sexually assaulted as well. Think about it, and pass along the awareness. Rape is one of the things our society could definitely do without.